Conrad Zero

Dark Fiction Author

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Wordbrew 2016 – The 4th Annual Local Author Showcase

December 13, 2016 By Conrad Zero

Wordbrew 2016On Nov 20, 2016, I hosted the 4th annual Local Author Showcase at Acadia Cafe in Minneapolis, MN. This year, we called it Wordbrew, and it was a huge success.

Speed Dating For Speculative Fiction

4 years ago, I’d been thinking of how to provide the MNSpec writers group with a public-facing event, something to show the world what the group actually does. It’s hard for muggles to understand why someone would lock themselves in their basement for the entire month of November during nanowrimo. A showcase seemed the perfect solution. My band-booking skills from the Jagged Spiral era could be applied to writers! Presto! We’d have a way for us to show the world “this is what we do” and a way for the world to connect with the authors they liked.

So I created an event, loosely based off First Avenue’s “Local Band Showcase.” I booked a dozen authors, put them onstage and had them perform a short section of their work. I called it “speed dating for speculative fiction.”

And for three years, it was awesome. But for three years, it didn’t really grow, and it didn’t really extend outside the MNSpec group. Each year, I’d make a note of the MNSpec members-to-public ratio. I’d assumed that if twelve authors were put onstage at an event, that we’d have an audience full of their friends, their family, their fans. But that wasn’t happening.

Where Is Everybody?

Problem #1 – I was relying solely on people appearing in the event to handle the event promotion. There are plenty of businesses that are successful at this business model – Pampered Chef, Cutco, Watkins, Amway, etc. These businesses don’t advertise. They rely on referral/associate marketing combined with the quality of the product that “sells itself.” But that model wasn’t working for the showcase.

There is a strange effect that I noticed when travelling. If you TRY to speak the foreign language, people are much more accommodating and will even give you their best English to help you communicate with them. But if you walk around asking everyone “Hey, do you speak English?” You won’t get nearly as far, because you’re not even trying.

I see this effect in social media as well. For lack of a better term, I’ll call it the Rich Get Richer. If you show me that you’ve promoted your event like mad, and want me to help, then my 60K+ twitter feed is yours. But if you come to me with nothing but a press release, and a 200 follower myspace account that hasn’t been updated in three years, then I certainly won’t be as excited about helping you out. Why should I do all of your promotion work for you?

The Lord does not help those who help themselves, but gatekeepers will. Which sucks, because those who really NEED the promotion don’t get it. Meanwhile, Neil Gaiman’s tweets spread like wildfire, but he’s the last person on the planet who needs your help.

Short version is, it’s my event, and I shouldn’t be expecting other people to promote the showcase more than I was… er, wasn’t.

Which leads me to Problem #2.

Sorry, But We Have Zero Conrad In Stock

Problem #2 – I was doing it all myself, and there’s only so much of me to go around. Between booking the event, finding/inviting the talent, listing the event, answering author questions, event planning, recording and MC-ing the event, my attempts at promotion were limited to reminding the authors and MNSpec members to “Share this on social media!” Which gets the same results as your dentist telling you to floss.

I knew the event had huge potential, but the only way it was going to grow was if I had help. Good thing I know people.

Solution #2 – So I reached out to people who are good at promoting themselves, like Michael Merriam and Kate Bitters, people who are good at hosting kick-ass events like Michael O’Leary Jr., and smart people who have good ideas like Abra Staffin-Wiebe, Vu Dang, Margaret Taylor, and Terry Faust. We met at Acadia and talked about what was great about the Showcase, and what could be improved. We came up with a list of tasks and people volunteered to handle them. Press Releases. Social media graphics. Facebook advertising. Event poster. Mailing list. Speed sketches. Giveaways. All things that weren’t being done before, and couldn’t possibly be accomplished by myself alone.

The Birth of “Wordbrew”

And just as we were tossing around ideas, someone suggested that the event have a name, something unique. Abra Staffin-Wiebe threw out the name Wordbrew, and everyone agreed it was a hit. It gives the event a personality AND it’s much easier to hashtag than Local Author Showcase.

Facebook Sucks (but you should still use it)

True Story: I hate facebook with the bright, blazing energy of 10,000 supernovae. Every dollar that website makes undermines all the good application interfaces on this planet. (And I’ll gladly cut that back to 9,999 supernovae after someone explains to me what the fuck a “poke” is.)  So when I tell you that, despite my hatred, you still need to make a facebook event and drive traffic there to make your event successful, you should listen.

Even if you decide not to use fb, you should have someplace to drive internet traffic. That place should have all the info a potential fan could want about the event. Bonus points if that place includes a way for interested people to rsvp and receive status updates regarding the event. Facebook does all this for free, as long as you can tolerate their complete disregard for intuitive user interfaces.

So we made the event on facebook, and told everyone to direct traffic there. I created a project folder on airtable.com to manage all the media, contact info, and task lists. (Airtable is free and downright magical. Someone tell Zuckerfish to fire all his programmers and hire the people at airtable.com to fix facebook. I’ll wait.)

With a new team, a new name, and a game plan, we launched Wordbrew 2016.

The Results

Wordbrew 2016 was by far the best showcase yet. The Hamline Oracle interviewed me for their article Word Brew offers speed dating for books.

We packed Acadia to the hilt, and quite a few people turned away when they arrived and saw it was standing-room only.

As always, the authors were stellar. I recorded the readings (except for when the camera died during Naomi Kritzer’s reading! Sorry Naomi!) The videos of the event are up on the MNSpec youtube channel here: Wordbrew 2016 on YouTube

We put together a mailing list signup sheet, and after the event, the intention was to provide a “commemorative email” list of the author/readers, so no one would have to take notes. Why am I laughing as I type this? It’s because I’m somehow incapable of sending an email, when a Wordbrew 2016 Artist Lookbook would do just as well. Welcome to my world, where the simple act of sending an email turns into a three-week publishing endeavor.

So please do check out the lookbook. I think it’s one more way we can enhance that connection that makes Wordbrew so great – helping authors reach new audiences, and helping audiences find their new, favorite, local spec-fic authors.

I hope you’ll come to Wordbrew V in 2017, because this show keeps getting bigger and better. It will be interesting to see where it goes.

  • Wordbrew 2016 Artist Lookbook (pdf, 6.6mb)
  • Wordbrew 2016 Videos on YouTube

Filed Under: #Featured, Cool Artists, Cool Events, Local (Minneapolis), MNSpec - Speculative Fiction Author's Group, Ubercool

(Never Slept With) Diablo Cody

December 24, 2014 By Conrad Zero

[Stream “(Never Slept With) Diablo Cody” at the end of this post. -Z]

In 2008, a coworker handed me a copy of the local newspaper and pointed to the cover story. Diablo Cody had just won the Oscar for Best Original Screenplay for Juno. In the article, she said how she wrote most of the screenplay at a Starbucks in Crystal, MN.

“Isn’t that right by your house?” my coworker asked.

It was. Not only was it right by my house, and not only had I been there many times, but I had actually seen Diablo Cody there many times. But I had no idea what she looked like until that very moment, when I saw her picture on the front page, and connected the name with the face.

“So did you ever talk to her?”

I laughed. “I saw her there a lot, but I didn’t sleep with her.”

The Song Soon To Be Formerly Known As Diablo

2008 was “The Year of the Spiral” and Jagged Spiral was at the height of its career. We were working on a jam with the temporary title of “Disco Spiral.” The jam had been around for a while but I hadn’t come up with any lyrics yet. That evening at practice, Colin asked me what I thought the song was about and something in my head just clicked.

“It’s about how I never slept with Diablo Cody.”

The song became known as “Diablo” and I used that concept to write some lyrics. We played the song out several times, and there’s a rough youtube video of us playing at Station 4 where I’m still trying to lock down the lyrics.

Unfortunately, the song was cursed. Every time we played Diablo, bad things would happen, usually equipment failures. While recording tracks for Diablo, a computer crash wiped out an entire evenings worth of recordings.

Fire and Dice Album Cover by Jagged Spiral

‘(Never Slept With) Diablo Cody’ originally appeared on the Fire and Dice album as the song ‘Prophet.’

The final straw was when we were loading gear into Colin’s car, and Colin said the song might be cursed, because every time we played Diablo…. Just as he mentioned the name, the strap on his gig bag broke and the bag holding his pedal board dropped to the concrete.

It was official. Colin and Josh demanded that we never mention the “D-word” again.

So, I changed the lyrics. Muted the original lyric tracks in the recording and re-recorded the new lines. Diablo Cody became Diablo the Devil. I added some angels and sexual innuendos. Colin proclaimed the song was now called “Prophet”  and you’ll see it listed that way on the Fire and Dice album which we released in Dec 2013. I’m not displeased with the new lyrics, but to be honest, I missed the original lyrics.

The Return of Diablo

In January 2014, I cloned the project file to a new workspace. Deleted the new lyrics. Unmuted the original vocal tracks. Touched up a couple lines. Even managed to add in references to Diablo Cody’s more current projects, United States of Tara, Young Adult and Paradise. Did some MIDI magic with the drum kit . Cut out a boring section of the song that we had intended to cover with solo guitar later but never did.

I completely remixed and remastered the track, and offered it to Diablo Cody on twitter as a Christmas gift at the end of 2014.

This song is not intended as any kind of jab or insult. I have nothing but respect for Diablo Cody and hope she continues to write awesome screenplays.

I don’t know Diablo Cody, but she seems like the kind of person who would appreciate the sense of humor in this song. I hope she likes it.

Filed Under: Cool Artists, Free, Jagged Spiral, Music

2014 Writing Process Blog Tour

April 7, 2014 By Conrad Zero

Fellow Minnesota Author Michael Merriam asked if I’d participate in a virtual blog tour about writing process. Actually, he told me if I didn’t do it, “terrible misfortune was certain to come my way! Very soon!”  

Fortunately, I know Michael is a liar. The man makes up stuff all the time. Good stuff. Check out Michael Merriam on Goodreads  if you don’t believe me.

But it sounds like fun to participate. (And why take a chance, right? I mean “terrible misfortune”? Yikes!) So here is some info about my current work and writing process: [Read more…]

Filed Under: Author, Blogging, Cool Artists, How to Write More Betterly, Interview, MNSpec - Speculative Fiction Author's Group, Writing

Neil Gaiman Live!

July 8, 2013 By Conrad Zero Leave a Comment

Neil Gaiman 2013 Book Signing In MinnesotaNeil Gaiman has been a writing inspiration to me for years. But he isn’t just a good writer. He’s smart. He’s humble. He’s well-spoken.  He is grateful and respectful to his audience.

And he wears black.

He’s become more than just a writing inspiration for me. He’s someone to look up to in many different ways.  I gave Neil Gaiman the Ubercool Seal Of Approval back in 2007, so you can imagine my excitement when…

I met Neil Gaiman for the first time today. [Read more…]

Filed Under: Author, Cool Artists, Cool Events, Local (Minneapolis)

Voltage 2013

June 9, 2013 By Conrad Zero Leave a Comment

Voltage Fashion show 2013After a hiatus, Voltage: Fashion Amplified returned to First Avenue, Minneapolis. The combo of up-and-coming local bands crossed with up-and-coming local fashion designers was the brainchild of Minneapolis fashion maven, Anna Lee. While Anna is no longer involved with this project, the fashion committee she gave birth to, MNFashion.org, hopes to carry on the 8th installment in the tradition of runway fashion show crossed with a rock concert. [Read more…]

Filed Under: #Featured, Concerts, Cool Artists, Cool Events, Culture, Local (Minneapolis), Music

Arts of Darkness – The Shadow of Approval Award

May 17, 2013 By Conrad Zero 1 Comment

Arts of Darkness Shadow of Approval Award for Dark Arts and Artists from conradzero.com Since 2003 I’ve been writing blog-reviews here about dark and beautiful things. I’ve used the category Ubercool to reference arts, artists, events and things that I think are glorious. And I never once worried that anyone would read them.

But now, my site traffic and ranking have increased to astonishing levels. My inbox is filled with requests for reviews and offers for paid advertising. You read that right. Paid. Advertising.

“You should have an award. You know, like a seal of approval!”

Ten years ago, I felt like the weird kid sitting by himself and reading Lovecraft while listening to Marilyn Manson.  Now I feel like some kind of Dark Fiction Authority. The Goth Guru? The Hipster of Darkness? [Read more…]

Filed Under: #Featured, Blogging, Cool Artists, Cool Events, Cool Product, Cool Website, Culture, Dark, Gothic, Horror, Ubercool

One Year Lived – Get a Free Signed Copy From Author Adam Shepard!

April 19, 2013 By Conrad Zero 1 Comment

If anyone ever asked me how I got started writing, I’d tell them, “Well, I had this idea for a story, and I decided to write it.” That first part is easy. The second part, not so much. Lots of people have great ideas, but they don’t decide to…you know, like Nike says – Just Do It.

Adam Shepard…

…has great ideas. For example: [Read more…]

Filed Under: Author, Books, Contest / Giveaway, Cool Artists, Culture, Free, Non Fiction, Review, Social Networking Tagged With: This Post Contains Affiliate Links

2013 Bloomington Writers Festival and Book Fair

March 19, 2013 By Conrad Zero 1 Comment

This Saturday, 23 March 2013, myself and many other authors from the Minnesota Speculative Fiction Writers Group are attending the  Bloomington Writers Festival and Book Fair. We’ll be celebrating stories, the authors who write them, and the readers who enjoy them.

This event is FREE and open to the public, although the seminars and workshops require registration. There will be plenty of freebees handed out. You’ll be able to buy books directly from the authors and have them signed.

See below for more details. I hope to see you there! [Read more…]

Filed Under: Author, Books, Cool Artists, Cool Events, Free, Local (Minneapolis), MNSpec - Speculative Fiction Author's Group

The Next Big Thing

December 27, 2012 By Conrad Zero 2 Comments

I’ve been tagged by the lovely and talented Dana Baird as well as by fictioneer Tyler Tork as part of The Next Big Thing Blog Hop! So in accordance with The Next Big Thing rules and regulations, I’m supposed to answer the following questions about my upcoming work, then pass this along to five other Next Big Thing authors.

What is the working title of your next book?

Only The Invisible Flying Pony Vs The Alien Robot Zombie Dinosaurs

No, seriously.

Where did the idea come from for the book?

The idea for an invisible flying pony superhero is a story in itself. But after writing the previous Only story in this series, I received so much positive feedback and I had so much fun writing it, that I couldn’t help coming up with other ideas for preposterously-adjectived antagonists. The previous story,  Only the Invisible Flying Pony Vs. The Giant, Carnivorous, Poisonous, Exploding Spider-Leeches sets the enemy bar pretty high, but Alien Robot Zombie Dinosaurs should give them a run for their money.

What genre does your book fall under?

Gothic, Sci-Fi, Horror-Comedy.

Think Calvin and Hobbes meets Stephen King, then add in some Terminator 3 technology…

What is the synopsis or blurb for this book?

I don’t have a blurb for this story, because the title is long enough already, but here’s a quick synopsis:

Payton and her best friend, the invisible flying pony Only, take a field trip to the Minnesota Science Museum. Unfortunately, the dinosaur skeletons come to life and begin abducting people in puffs of black smoke! Can Payton and Only evade agents of the Shadow Government, find out what’s behind the Zombie Dinosaur Menace, save the Earth from certain destruction, and still get home in time for Payton to finish her report on Egypt? Probably not, but watching them try will be a laugh for all fans of preposterously dark fiction.

What actors would you choose to play your characters in a movie rendition?

Any actor or actress could play Only, as long as they were invisible.

For Payton, I’d love to see  Natalie Portman from The Professional back in the mid 90’s, or Chloe Moretz (aka Hit Girl) from the 2010 hit, Kick Ass.  Since either of these would require a time machine, we might just as well go back 6 years and shoot the movie with the real-world Payton whom the character is based on.

Will your book be self-published or represented by an agency?

If you read my answer to “What genre does your book fall under?” you should be able to figure this one out yourself.  This story is probably too adult for kids, and too kiddish for adults. I’m not sure an agency would touch it. Besides, the publishing industry is still busy running research groups to analyze the business potential of this “internet” fad. I’m probably best off releasing this story myself.

How long did it take you to write the first draft of your manuscript?

Way too long for a short story. Nine months, I think. But several of those months were interrupted by other projects like Jagged Spiral’s second album.

Who or what inspired you to write this book?

The positive feedback I received from the previous Only story, and sheer fun I had of writing it. One person told me she read the first Only story to her kids as a bedtime story, and they loved it!

Many people asked me if there would be more adventures with Only and Payton and writing these short stories is so much easier than the serious novel I’m laboring over, called Evil Looks Good. Diving back into Only and Payton’s world is a welcome break that is fun and easy to write, with a high payoff for both me and my readers.

What other books would you compare this story to within your genre?

One reader pointed out to me that the interaction between Only and Payton reminds them of Calvin and Hobbes by  Bill Watterson, and I would have to agree, but add a sinister, world-ending antagonist. Like HP Lovecraft, I try to ratchet up the evil to impossible levels, but I do so with a very wry and dry sense of humor in the style of Douglas Adams’  The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy.

Abraham Lincoln – Vampire Hunter by  Seth Grahame-Smith, and the  Emily the Strange  stories come to mind  because of the gothic/horror/comedy crossover.  Someone told me my writing reminds them of Terry Pratchett. Not sure if that was meant as a good or bad thing.

What else about your book might pique the readers interest?

The fact that it’s a true story…that really happened. At least the invisible flying pony swears it really happened, and who am I to argue with that?

Or perhaps the fact that it will be really inexpensive. Plus, each copy comes with an invisible,  intangible, unscented and completely silent flying pony!

The Next (Five) Big Thing(s)

As part of the Next Big Thing Perpetual Motion Machine, I’m also expected to pick five other authors who I’m into right now. So here’s a list of authors who should be part of the Next Big Thing hoopla:

  • Abra Staffin-Wiebe – Fellow Minnesota Speculative Fiction Writer Abra Staffin-Wiebe is not only a really good writer, but also has a great voice. Check out both her writing and her voice in her podcast of circusofbrassandbone.com  
  • Joseph Garraty – When I was very young, I asked my mother where I came from. She informed me that I was “left on the doorstep by Gypsies.” I always thought she just wanted to avoid the “birds and the bees” talk. Last year I read Joseph Garraty’s  The Voice  (NO connection to the TV show of the same name, btw…) and I had to contact him to say how much I liked it. We got to chatting, and the more I learned about Joseph, the more frightening similarities between us were revealed. I’ve decided that either Joseph is my long, lost, Gypsy brother, or he is actually me, and there is a time machine involved. Either way, you should check out his work.
  • Carole Lanham  – Author of The Whisper Jar, Carole writes deliciously dark fiction from her home in St. Louis, Missouri. She is also the purveyor of horrorhomemaker.com.
  • Jonathan Winn – Author from Seattle, WA. I’m halfway through his first novel  Martuk… The Holy. Mixing dark fiction with comparative religion, Jonathan Winn does description like no other author I’ve read.
  • Joseph Nassise – With over twenty novels under his belt, and former Horror Writers Association President creds, Joseph Nassise is already a Big Thing. However,  I was able to preread some scenes of Eyes to See before it was released last June, and it’s in my reading queue right now. I know fans of dark fiction are going to eat this up.

Filed Under: Author, Blogging, Cool Artists, Social Networking

Urban Fantasy Authors Emma Bull and Steven Brust vs Healthcare Expenses

August 27, 2012 By Conrad Zero Leave a Comment

Conrad Zero and Emma Bull

Conrad Zero and the Queen of Urban Fantasy, Emma Bull

I met Emma Bull at the 4th St Fantasy Writer’s Convention a couple years ago, and aside from being an inspiration and a great writer, Emma is also a spitfire and a sweetheart. I was saddened to hear boingboing.net report that both Emma Bull and Steven Brust were in the hospital having operations on the same day.

For those who don’t know, both Emma and Steven are both Speculative Fiction writers from Minnesota. They were in the now defunct folk-rock band, Cats Laughing, and they are also members of the local fiction writers’ group known as the Scribblies, who founded the 4th Street annual Writer’s Convention. Their combined writings pioneered the Urban Fantasy genre, especially Emma’s War for the Oaks, which is set here in Minneapolis.

Now you probably guessed that Urban Fantasy Authors and Health Insurance go together like Coffee and Fish, which is to say, they do not. And although Steven Brust reports he does have some health coverage, I suspect having a defibrillator installed in your chest can’t be cheap or comfortable. And unless Emma has her own self-funded health care plan, I bet her thyroidectomy is going to take a bite out of those Urban Fantasy royalties.

Fellow author Scott Lynch has volunteered to forward profits from his pay-what-you-want book Queen of the Iron Sands to help with Emma and Steve’s medical expenses, and probably get them more financial relief than buying their individual works, but every little bit helps. Prayers, comments, positive thoughts, links to cute dog/cat videos on youtube, etc… But just as importantly, you can help by spreading the word.   Emma and Steve deserve it, and I’m sure they would appreciate it.

Filed Under: Author, Cool Artists

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New Releases!

Hard Science-Fiction meets True Darkness in my new short story, "Homeward Through Darkness" now available in the By Polaris Bright anthology!

By Polaris Bright Book Cover

Stories of Dark Fiction and Horror by Conrad Zero:

  • Homeward Through Darkness
  • Big Game
  • My Boss Is Evil
  • Forevermore
  • A Violent Passion

Copyright © 2018 · Conrad Zero · Site By: J. Stuart J. Creative