A misconception has been brought to my attention, and it needs to be cleared up immediately. I am in no way, shape, or form affiliated with Jonathon (the Impaler) Sharkey, (AKA: ‘The Dark Count’) who is currently running for Governor of MN, and also will be running for President of the United States in the 2008 election.
Furthermore, I am not a member of the Vampyres, Witches and Pagans Party. Since I’ve already declared myself King of the United States, I have no need to run for office. (Neither does anyone else, for that matter, but just consider it to be like the Oscars.)
The suggestion of any similarity between us is preposterous. Below is a side-by-side comparison (nay, Proof!) that I am in no way resembling, related to, or an acolyte of, Jonathon “The Dark Count”:
It is true that Jonathon and I have the Exact Same Gothic Cross necklace. I have been informed that dressing like a Hecate Witch/Satanic/Sanguinarian Vampyre/Ordained Dark Priest (Especially one who is studying to become a Hecate *High* Priest) is a Great-Big-Fashion-NO, and bad for my street cred. I’ll admit we might have the same fashion consultant, but there are many differences between us.
Actually, there are only three, but they are significant:
- First, I am slightly shorter.
- Second, I am far better-looking.
- Third, it should also be obvious that I piss more Evil before breakfast than Jonathan the Choir Boy has seen in his lifetime. Sorry Jonathon, but Satan is my personal psychiatrist, and she’s never fucking heard of you.
Further evidence of our differences can be found at Jonathan’s own website: [Editors Update June 2007 – Website link retracted, as Jonathan’s website was pulled and replaced with ads.]
Jonathon’s first “Spell” ever, was a “Death Curse.” Though Jonathon is very pleasant to be around, he is a follower of the “Dark Side” of “The Craft.” His powers and abilities are unmatched!
I’m speechless. But this only brings up further differences between myself and Jonathan “The Impaler”:
- My first spell got me laid. By the Minnesota Vikings Cheerleader Squad.
- I’d never waste perfectly good magic on a “Death Curse.” If I wanted someone dead, I’d kill them with my bare hands.
- It’s true. I can’t match the powers and abilities of Jonathon to overuse “quotation marks.”
I hope this puts an end to the confusion.