Google prepares for world domination with new product lines.
Sure Google is Evil but so is my ex. But just because they’re evil doesn’t mean they aren’t attractive. Buzz on the web indicates Google is poised to shake some pillars just in time for the end of the world in 2012.
Mobiledia reports that Google is nearly finished with a “Smarthome” platform code-named Project Tungsten. This is straight out of every damned future-movie we’ve ever watched. You pull up the driveway and the door unlocks, the lights turn on, (to a preset level dependent on time of day and ambient light intensity) the stereo pulls up your favorite playlist, and your android-enabled kitchen mixes you an unnecessarily strong Iron Butterfly.
Just add a holographic model in a French-maid outfit, and we’re all set. Except we will need a new vision of what the new future living quarters will look like.
Google Music Player
Finally. I’ve been waiting for someone…anyone to come out with a decent music player and online storage system so I can tell Microsoft and Apple both to suck it.
I would have bet money on Amazon’s new cloud storage, or maybe Dropbox or Sugarsync, but I never thought our musical savior would be Google. Lifehacker.com gives a sneak peak of Google’s new cloud music player. Store 20,000 songs in the cloud, and access them through the android smartphone app. Yet another way to suck both your phone batteries and your data plan minutes dry, but it trounces carrying two devices or suffering with I-tunes.
By invite only, so make sure to get on the list.
I was grandfathered into Google Voice a few years ago when they bought Grand Central, so this service isn’t very *new* and I’m surprised that Google really hasn’t bothered to promote the “One Number To Rule Them All” but I think it’s a damned miracle. One number rings all your phones at once, or you can set rules based on time of day or the incoming number. For example, if anyone from my Family group calls between 8AM and 5PM, then forward to these phones. If my student loan officer calls at any time, dump it directly to voicemail.
Custom messages means you can leave a “Hi There! I sure am sorry I missed your call!” for your mom and your sweetie, while unlisted numbers get the generic “Leave a message, but don’t hold your breath.”
Messages left for you get translated into text and e-mailed to you, meaning you can actually get your voicemail messages during meetings with your ringer turned off, AND messages are now stored forever in your e-mail, AND searchable via text.
I could keep going, but QED. Google Voice rocks, and the reason I add this to the list is because Microsoft just announced plans to purchase the mega-online phone mogul, Skype. This action alone will call attention to Google Voice as an option, and so they won’t even have to promote it, and it may force Google’s hand and make them fess up as to their big plans for such an awesome and underrated service.
Regardless, I predict that you’ll be hearing more about Google Voice in the near future.
And if that wasn’t enough, Google TV should just about clench it.
Evil is the new Good
So Google’s got your personal communication device, your entertainment center and your house in their digital pocket. Oh yes, and they are sifting through your contact list so they got all that, too. I’m just going to send them my credit card now and get it over with. Who am I kidding? They probably already have it.
When you add it up, it really does look like Google is going to take over the world. Maybe it should. Google may not be able to run for President of the United States of America, but it could certainly take a position as a world-dominating authority. Google knows all our secrets (Well, except maybe China) so it wouldn’t be a difficult task.
Come on Google, you’ve already botched your Don’t Be Evil slogan, and Be Evil, but just evil enough to make your online experience better isn’t going to cut it.
If you don’t step up and take over the world, I’ve got Cthulhu on speed-dial. Wait a minute, does Cthulhu own controlling stock in Google? That would explain a lot.