I stopped in at the drugstore (gas station) in order to score (purchase) some non-prescription uppers (Jolt Cherry Bomb Cola) and in the middle of negotiations (while standing in line at the checkout) some strange cat (dude) bursts in the door, and in a casually-cruel tone directed at the two ladies behind the counter says, “Your fucking gas pumps don’t work for shit, so I’m taking my business someplace else.”
His attitude was so leisurely about the whole thing, and the clerks’ reactions were so mild, I thought they must know him from somewhere. The ladies behind the counter laughed, and so did the two other people standing in line. the guy turned and stormed out. The clerks just shook her heads as they watched him leave.
I wasn’t sure exactly what had just happened. Was he a mentally disturbed person making his daily circuit? Perhaps it was a coworker, trying to be funny? An out-of-work Improv actor who, at any moment, would come bursting back in with another strange persona?
“Was that guy serious?” I asked, still smiling.
“Afraid so,” was the reply.
My smile faded. “How, um, how often does *that* happen?”
“Yeah,” the other lady chimed in. “At *least* once a day.”
I suddenly felt the way I imagine Neo felt swallowing the red pill and having the veil of falseness ripped out from between himself and the rest of the world. Well, maybe divide that by a couple million, but still… At least once per day? Now I’ve worked the counter at a coffee shop for a while, so I have some experience with difficult customers, but Every Day? Ugh.
6 Ways to Not Be A Dickhead if you get poor customer service
If you have bad service, or receive bad product, or have a bad experience at a business, here are some things you can do that Don’t entail wrecking the day of someone right out of High School who works for minimum wage and has to deal with dickheads like You all day…
#1 Write a Letter – Letters carry a lot of weight. Leave a letter for the manager, and let them know what a bad experience you had. This assumes you know how to write, you Dickhead.
#2 Send an E-mail – This assumes you have access to a computer, or at least a friend who has access to a computer. If you weren’t such a Dickhead, you might actually have some friends who would help you with this.
#3 Go up the Chain – The manager is the only one who might actually do something about your complaint, because the manager is the only one paid to make complaining Dickheads like you happy. The people behind the counter are paid By The Hour. Complain to them and they might not even wait until you are gone to laugh at you.
Ask the manager what he/she is going to do about this problem. And keep a civil tongue. If the manager is a Dickhead like you, then go over their heads to corporate.
#4 Don’t Patronize That Place of Business – Even a Dickhead like you should be able to pull this one off.
#5 Don’t Patronize That Place of Business and Tell Everyone You Know Not To Patronize It Either – I was recently at the CC Club and watched some positively Horrendous service in action from two separate bartenders. I know of some people (non-dickheads, in case you were wondering) who are going to #5 that place big time.
#6 Realize That There Are Other Dickheads In The World Besides Yourself, And Some Of Them Work In The Customer Service Industry – And you might just hold back judgment of an entire business based on one employee or one bad experience. Just like everyone else should hold back judgment of your family based on their experience with a Dickhead like you.