Not sure why the genre is called ‘Christian Black Metal.’ It makes sense that they would not want to call it Death Metal, but why not Life Metal, or White Metal (mmm…on second thought, maybe not)
Jesus Christ was at the show. He was the front man for one of the Christian Black Metal Bands. Although Jesus Christ is not his stage name, it wasn’t difficult to figure out who he was, and it wasn’t the long hair and goatee that tipped me off. It was the fact that he was there on a Sunday, preaching to those who need it in a way they would understand. Did you really think he would come back wearing khaki shorts, sandals and a hemp necklace? Cruising around Lake Nokomis in a Ford Hybrid? Please.
The real tipoff was when he said that if anyone left the show before the headlining band (Crimson Moonlight) took the stage, he would hunt them down, kill them, and drag their corpse back to the bar, and let the Christian Black Metal Music bring them back to life…
For those who are wondering, No, I did not ask Jesus for his autograph, and Yes, this does count as Church-Going, so I am covered for this year.